Why I did it.

Facebook marriage challenge? Puh-lease. Brad , 8 years in to this, knows I’m committed. I participated. Why? 

Because I wasn’t always. 

We have been through some CRAP. But why do any of you even need to know that? You don’t. But when I get challenged on Facebook I go with it. Here’s why…it gave me a chance to say- marriage is hard, and THAT is a level of intimacy that doesn’t belong on social media and none of you need to know it…except to say…chances are good you have all been there at some point too. Aren’t we all doing this life thing together? No? I’m sad for you…you should be doing life with someone, especially someone who has walked THROUGH whatever struggle you’re going through. I call that church life, doing life together.

 But church life just happens to be MY thing. I am into meal planning and prep, I want to work out more, I’m a mom, I am SO fulfilled by my profession and pursue growth. I clean my home thoroughly-baseboards , murphys oil, bleach, essential oils and all, every Saturday ! But the reality is…Jesus is my motivation. 

God ordained my marriage. Even those moments when I wish He picked someone else, He didn’t. Does my commitment lie with Brad? Nope. It lies in the covenant I made before God to honor and cherish this man. As a Christian? Come ON. That’s worth sharing!! Y’all don’t know my details, but do you have to know MY details in order to relate?! Absolutely NOT, because you have your own circumstances. 

My hope is that, whether you know my details or not, you know ME. You see my every day life. You see me strive to represent Jesus in everything I do. So by default you know my marriage is a representation of my commitment to God. 

Marriage challenge?? I challenge you to think about your marriage, why you’re still in it (we’ve all thought about not), what are those golden moments that keep you there? Kids aren’t it. They’ll move out one day. 

The marriage challenge for me wasn’t a chance to show you why my marriage rocks…it was an opportunity to reinforce the reasons I stay committed. Guess what guys, Facebook challenges ain’t it. God is. The marriage challenge was an opportunity to remind me of that. Life is hard. Parenting is harder. Marriage is hardest. Damnit Brad, you are hard. But I refuse to focus on the negative. I PRAISE  the things that make you amazing  (a lot). 

I put my job, my kids, my food all on Facebook. That’s all fair game. Yeah I get that my marriage isn’t fair game (intimacy)…except to say…our commitment is still worth sharing. You’re life has issues too. Don’t share the negative. The marriage challenge gives you the chance to search your story-share those good things! Celebrate them! They keep you. They drive you. Do the challenge if for no other reason than to remind yourself why you’re  HERE.

Our First Graduate

Well last week we had our first graduation as parents. And it only took us 6 1/2 years to get here. I would say that it’s been an anticlimactic journey to reach this point, but it hasn’t. It’s amazing what can happen in 6 1/2 years of life.

Autumn has learned her ABC’s. How to count. Her shapes. Sentence structure. Sight words. How to write a paragraph. And her favorite accomplishment thus far? Learning to read. Brad and I can spell very few words to each other these days, she can often figure them out. And she doesn’t give up trying if they aren’t easy. Meaning, days later she’ll say something along the lines of “I know what that word was”, and a smug smirk joins that party. She may not know WHAT the word means, but daggon if she didn’t figure out how to pronounce it based on the letters.

We had to visit the doctor the other day and while we were waiting to get called back she was reading every magazine in the place. The really incredible part was that she was literally reading these articles. I have to admit, things got a little creepy for me when she discovered the “new mom” magazine and began reading the Babies R Us article….”We realize what an exciting time this is for you in your life!” Yeah, that was weird.

She amazes us daily with her incredible personality, her leadership qualities, her follower qualities (ha), and her beauty. The whining is pretty amazing too. Along with the drama. And here lately, a big old dose of ungratefulness. The reality though is that we have a first grader. An almost 7 year old. And she is AMAZING. In every single way, she is amazing. Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only parent that feels like this child can’t possibly have my blood coursing through her veins, that God couldn’t possibly have meant to give her to ME, of all people.


Autumn, one day you will read this I hope. I hope you will know what an exceptional child you are. And I hope that as you read this, you have stepped in to whatever role it is that God has for your future and realize that being exceptional is just how God made you. Because it’s likely that even today, people find you to be impressive, amazing, EXCEPTIONAL. We love you sweetie.


A Year?

Oh you guys. A year, almost an entire year since I have blogged. It’s amazing how time flies, how life happens, how a new job changes everything, and how much time an almost 3 year old takes! And let’s not talk about the 4 jobs between Brad and I, or the lack of wireless in our house. But don’t be mislead. Life is good. I’m just tired.

Autumn has grown so much and is such a little person, no longer a baby. We are convinced someone was mistaken when they labeled the 2’s terrible…for it is most certainly the 3’s for us that are….emotions running high is definitely one way to put it. But we love her, and all of the funny little things she says. She has become a little love bug, it just took much longer than I ever expected. I love how when I rock her at night before bed she still sticks her little butt out, tucks her hands under her chest, and burrows into my shoulder. She has always done this, but it seems that at her age now she seems to do it with a little more vigor…she loves to be snuggled and held close (don’t we all?!).

She will be 3 on Monday and we have a fun filled birthday ahead for her. She is telling everyone that her “birfday is comin’ up” and she will “free” and she “gonna go to jumpin’ jax wif all my fwiends”.

I’m so proud of her at this stage in the game. She makes me laugh, she teaches me forgiveness and love. Emotions that are not easily accessible some days, she teaches me to access them. I adore my little girl and this life that God has blessed Brad and I with. It warms my heart to meditate on this little family of mine.

Season of Thanks?


How awful is it that during this awesome season of thanks and gratitude all I wanna do is complain? Ugh, I feel so LAME. My checklist is just really long and I am feeling overwhelmed and I think that has a lot to do with it, I’m sure anyway.
I am thankful for this beautiful life God has allowed me to live, I just need to get past the funk of feeling like I do. How are you all doing??

What my daughter says.


So while I was home yesterday I typed up the little phrases and things Autumn said all day long. I am so proud of my little girl, she is so smart. I will probably come back and edit this as she says more things, but posting this for now.

I hold you me. I help you me. Aww, you tired baby? Wow, das cool.¬† Soo good! I have bite dat now? I see picture? I see Jesus? Mere baby, I hold you. What in the heck? Rub my back. I wanna bounce. I take my bath now. I fall down! All done now. I wanna eat now. I want my milk. I wanna walk now. We go to Nana’s house? We go to Autumn’s house? This water old. Ew Nasty. No ma’am. I want my balloon. What’s this? What’s that? I want dat right dare. Is Lucky swimmin’? Fishy in his house. Fishy sleepin’? That scared me! See, the gloves are on me! Bless you. You okay baby? I will see. Ow that hurt me. Touchdown! I love it! Thank you! Welcome! Scuse me! I want vitamin pwease?

11/12/11: singing- joy joy joy in my heart
11/13/12: I take it out. I found it! I found medicine binky. Brushin my teef.
11/26/11: one at a time!
I am being really slack about updating this! I got my phone replaced finally and so I forgot to add WordPress back to it. It is on here now ūüôā
11/30/11: back up, back up! Jesus is in my heart! Jesus loves me this I know da Bible tells me so.

Mountain Time!



This is her D-D-Dora Punkin. So cute.


We are leaving for the mountains on Thursday for a full out family vacation and I am really excited! I feel like I am getting sick but isn’t that just life for ya? Hoping it won’t be too rough on me. I am down to 177 now, by the way…that is 125lbs now yay! Autumn will be 2 in November and absolutely blows my mind on a daily basis with her smarts. I had my review and it went great and I am really enjoying it. School is still kicking my butt, but December 12 is just around the bend….the very long and bendy turn….but around the turn none-the-less.
So that about sums it up. I am on my phone updating so I hope it doesn’t seem too disjointed. Hopefully I can update again after our trip. Happy 27th Birthday to me on October 8th!!!

School, my arch nemesis.

It just needs to be said that, while I am blessed with the priviledge and opportunity, school sucks. The reading is long and little font and there is so much of it, the questions are..just no fun, and as excited as I am to learn more about the field, I feel like the book work equals busy work and that hands on would be more effective. Okay, I am through complaining now! I hope you all have a wonderful week!


Classes started last week. I’m taking one online and one hybrid. I am still convinced that I’m not cut out for school. I like to learn and gain knowledge, but dang I can’t stand being required to do work that receives a grade…I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m really just afraid of being a failure. I guess I just lack the self-confidence necessary to excel. Or something like that, who knows?

Autumn is still potty training.¬†We let her go around the house without panties all day long and she goes on the potty but she is still not very vocal about when she needs to go (consistently¬†anyway, sometimes it’s “PEE PEE! STINKY!”). And our crazy girl is talking in sentences like a mad woman. We look at each other¬†on a daily basis and say “when did she get so grown and smart?!” She says the silliest things. “What happened? What happened, baby?” Or she will hand us her “banket” and climb in our lap and ask for her banket over top of her “yap” and then as an afterthought “Mere Baby! I hold you!” because she wants to hold her baby on her lap while we are holding her on¬†our lap. She gives the best kisses and hugs, when you tell her you love her she says “yuv¬†you” and at night when it’s time for bed she says “rub back”. She asks for¬†bubbles in her “baff” and when I clean her nose with a q-tip she says “boogies?” If you pass gas she has ears like a dang animal and says “boop?” and will often push one out herself and smile saying “boop”. When I tell her to push on the potty to get it out she takes her little finger and pushes her thigh, like I have asked her to push a button. When I put my makeup on she says “yips?” and I’ll put my chapstick¬†on her lips and she says “Mommy yips?” so then I put it on my lips and she follows it up with “Autumn yips?” so I put it on hers again. Then it’s, “hair?” and so I spray her hair too. She will grab our finger and say “walk?” because she loves it when Gampa¬†walks her around the yard and she wants us all to do what Gampa does. I just want to document every second of her life, because everything about her is precious and she makes me so happy. She keeps me in wonder, how quickly children grow up, how quickly they develop these skills that we take advantage of. Who ever thinks about the fact that language had to be learned and wasn’t always so ingrained in you? I know I think about that a lot now. I think about every skill that has to be learned, and how amazing God created our brains to be that we can learn it so quickly and easily. She truly is a little sponge. We play music for her every night, we bought Mozart when she was just born because we heard that studies have shown it really does improve your brain to listen to it. I’m just dying for Autumn to be smarter than I ever was, to have more confidence to excel at whatever she can dream of to do and so I put Mozart back in her CD player. But I can’t help but wonder if it’s even possible for this little girl to be any smarter? Could I even handle it?? Oh, a mother’s love.

Sometimes it’s hard to see the sunshine through the clouds, but my life is good. It’s a fact. Finding blog content reminds me of that each time. It’s a shame that I don’t do it more frequently, but life just gets away from me. I have blinked and my child will be 2 in November. I have blinked and I have been married for 3 years. I have blinked and I’ve been in North Caroline for 13 years; I’ve now lived in NC longer than I lived in MD. It is unreal. I get serious anxiety just thinking of these things, feeling nauseous and sad. Why is that? Sometimes it feels like I’m wasting life away with the trivial task of just living. Isn’t there more to it than just paying bills and making it through Monday to Friday? These aren’t new questions, questions that hundreds have not asked before me. It’s just the mood I’m in. Blase. And now annoyed, because I can’t figure out why the alt code for the e with an accent won’t work.

Vacation’s End, Unfortunately.

So we went to Carowinds¬†for our anniversary. We left Saturday morning and saw Harry Potter that night and had dinner at Razzoos, which was so flipping good. Then on Sunday we went to the water park at Carowinds¬†(Boomerang Bay) and we did the slides and¬†titlewave¬†and all that good stuff. We were going to wait to ride any rides until Monday when our friends got in but we road a few anyway¬†ūüėČ We were really exhausted by 2 and went to the hotel to nap, read, and he watched the race (Nascar…Brad obviously). We tried to go to the mall that night but they apparently close at 6?? It was lame. So we went to Hef’s¬†bar and grille and had dinner and then went back to the hotel for the night. The next morning we grabbed a bagel from Brueggers¬†and met our friends Jordan and Tiana at Carowinds¬†at 10ish. We road rides all day…started out with the Intimidator¬†and it was WOW. I didn’t ride it again but they all did. We did ride After Burn about 7 times lol. We had a great time. After we left we had dinner at a Thai restaurant and it was so flipping good. There was some planking by my silly husband as well. I am using my phone so I will have to come back and add pics if I have a minute.
We got home Monday night, Tuesday was our anniversary, I worked Wednesday all day and Thursday morning and then we left for a whirlwind weekend in Maryland and Virginia. Autumn did amazing in the car up there and we had a blast with my lifelong bestie¬†and cousin Amanda and everyone else we saw Thursday night and Friday. On Saturday morning we left for a family reunion in VA with my great-grandmother. That ride wasn’t quite as pleasant with my overly exhausted 20 month old, but I couldn’t¬†ask for more from her under the circumstances. We hung at the reunion for a little bit (3 hours maybe, if that?) and then headed back to NC. My brother had come to the reunion too, so I challenged him with the fact that I was off Monday and he should take off so we could spend the day together and BYGOLLY he did it. So we stuck our poor child in the car yet again for a 2 hour trip to Uncle Brian’s at the beach. That was a great time too and totally worth the insanely miserable trip home. I have been back to work since Weds the 27th and other than a few plans here and there we have been thankfully winding down.
Autumn is partially potty training which is super interesting and exciting and scary. We are talking about when we are ready for number 2 (child, not the nature of Autumn’s pottying, just to clarify lol). Now that I am a year post-op (yay! Minus 120!) we just need to get into a 3 bedroom home and sell our 2 bedroom townhouse. So there is a lot of talk of that and it is exciting and frustrating and it all seems so impossible and far away but I know how deceiving time can be so I am not going to give in to the overwhelming feeling that tries to be the front-runner of my emotions! Anyway, I have been composing this thing for approximately 2 weeks now so it is just about time to put it up and walk away, until next time.