I am sitting here, happily wearing my ‘Coach Parnell’ jacket that Brad bought me for my “game wear”, waiting for 3:45.
I always wanted the family life that you see on TV. Rather, the family life you saw on TV back in the day. I wanted the cheesey husband and wife with the picture perfect children and the walkway leading up to the big white house with blue shudders and shrubbery that accented that beautiful wrap around front porch. I don’t know when that changed for me, but I know it did.
It’s possible that it all changed when I had resigned myself to being happy with someone who didn’t understand my dreams of fitting into society. I don’t know whether my ideas are warped for wanting to fit into society, or if his were warped for wanting to do anything and everything possible to not fit in; either way my dreams became nothing short of what I considered “white trash living”. I expected less, I wanted less, and so I got less.
So much has changed since then. When my ex and I first broke up he told me that I would never change…I was the sorry person that he knew me as and I would be that way forever, because people don’t change. Those words echoed in my head for what felt like an eternity as I fought to choose the life I wanted over the life that I thought had been handed to me. The more time goes by, the less I hear his voice. As my life changes, as every difficult decision becomes easier, as new friendships become stronger, as my marriage grows, I realize that the horrible person that he knew me as was the horrible person I had become as a result of changing myself to make everyone else happy except me. When I made the choice to live for me again, I was back to my old self. Except, I feel like I’ve grown and matured and I’m not the same as I was before, but a better version of who I was; because the potential to turn into that horrible person is no longer there-I have conquered and overcome.
So as I sit here today, wearing the jogging suit that Brad bought me proudly proclaiming his name on the front top right corner, I’m happy to say that I’m in the beginning stages of living my dream. I am l the cheesy wife, loving the cheesy husband and well on my way to carrying out the rest of my dreams. And I think I finally understand why the bad has to happen in our lives…THAT is how we learn, and grow, and how the sweet tastes so much sweeter.