I am a terribly paranoid person. I don’t know if it is having an overactive imagination, my analytical outlook on everything, too many movies, or what…but scenarios play out in my head all the time making me dread situations I never used to dread before.
For example, I was walking Hank last night and it was dark and raining. There is a stretch of woods next to the area that we walk him and he was acting incredibly interested in something that was behind the curtain of darkness. I’m sure nothing was there, maybe a cat or a squirrel or something, but my mind started running scenarios. I was thinking about someone jumping out with a gun or a knife and it just went downhill from there. Brad was kind of walking separately from us but then started catching up and I saw his shadow coming up and my heart started beating really fast and my first thought was, “what if that’s not Brad and someone already got him?” And this is all 30 whole seconds after passing Brad and knowing it was him. Iss.Ues.
Then there are the times that it’s funny that I have Iss.Ues. I was blow-drying my hair one time when I still lived with my parents and I was home alone. Whenever I blow-dry my hair I get paranoid because I always think I hear something, but nothing is ever there. So this time I decided to not let my paranoia get the best of me and I kept the blow-dryer on. I saw something out of the corner of my eye and I looked and there was someone standing at the top of the steps. Granted, it was my mother. But it took about 15 minutes for my brain to register that fact. I pretty much cried hysterically for about 15 minutes because it scared me so bad. My poor mom thought I was angry at her. Nope, I wasn’t. But I was angry at Brad when he decided to scare me intentionally one day, knowing how freaked out I get. Now, I have to give him credit, because his scare was for a good reason. I had the hiccups. I mean, what better way to get rid of them than scare someone, right? His argument was he was trying to be a good husband. I was sitting there, happily hiccuping away, and RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHR!!!!!! in my ear. I jumped, just about spilled my drink, and couldn’t decide whether to laugh or cry (and we all know what THAT sounds like…). My hiccups were gone…but I cried for a good 10 minutes on that one. Iss.Ues I tell you.
If anyone can tell me how I can get over these Iss.Ues, I would be grateful. You see, the other ones aren’t so bad and I can deal with them. But then there is the one that starts when I’m holding new borns or tiny babies. I always have the scenario running through my head that I’m going to drop the poor dear. Also, I had a dream one time about my cousin Nicholas, when he was a baby. I was holding him and their very mean pomeranian jumped into my lap and attacked poor Nick in his face. So if I’m holding a baby and there is a dog around, I always have flashbacks of that dream.
These few examples only scratch the surface of various scenarios and it’s stuff like this that makes me fearful of insanity. I mean, not really, but I guess you could add that to the list of Iss.Ues. Ha! Well, “they” always say that the crazies don’t actually know that they are crazy, so I guess as long as I think I’m crazy then that means I’m not. ::grin::