So I’m kind of really dying to get to know my husband’s family. So much so that Brad and I have decided to back away from some of our commitments in order to devote some time to our families. Both they and us feel like they have suffered from some of our responsibilities.
My mom called me this weekend and told me that she misses me. We hardly spend any quality time together at all and the time that we do spend together is often cut short because of various commitments that we have [ahem, had]. It’s hard to figure out how to make your time quality after you are married. When you live with your family, time just kind of IS. I saw them daily, talked to them daily, knew them and their schedule, etc. Now that I do not live with them anymore there is definately a change in the relationship, and not even just a little bit by choice. What makes quality time? Is it something that can be forced, or does it just happen?
My brother lives in Wilmington and I used to make trips down to see him on the weekends almost every weekend. Then he got busy with some of his Hangnail Productions stuff and I got busy with commitments and a fiance and now we are suffering from no quality time either. I miss my brother. He is my best friend and I have needed that relationship lately. That should be resolved soon though, with our drop in commitments and with him making trips up here more frequently…the lack of relationship should be remedied quickly.
So anyways, it’s been an active effort to make our family our second priority, after our own relationship. We went and saw Brad’s brother at work this weekend, and also ran into one of my SIL’s while she was visiting him too. After that we went to his parent’s house to see his dad, and today I have started texting with my other SIL and making plans to get together with them. Family is huge to me, it’s everything to me, and I really need that relationship with Brad’s family too. I’ve never had sisters and it makes it difficult to know what those relationships are supposed to be like. I guess I just want a genuine relationship with my new family, I don’t want it to be fake smiles and fake conversation for the sake of keeping the peace. I think genuine takes time though. I love them, because they are my husband’s family. But I want to love them because they are my family too…and I’m happy to see the potential for that type of relationship down the road.
In other news…I wish people would stop thinking that even though I acknowledge the fact that I am not preggers yet, I’m not stressing over it. I was in pain for “one reason or another” this weekend and stated the fact that my body was yet again reminding me that I’m not pregnant. Everyone kept saying, well stop stressing about it, stressing about it isn’t going to help. Truly? I’m not stressing about it. I was trying to find a tactful and less disgusting way to explain why I was in pain, I wish everyone would stop making it seem like it was more.
Listen to me, I will get pregnant when I am supposed to be pregnant, this I do know. My life is not on hold because I do not have a life forming in my womb. I still registered for classes, we still got a dog, our relationship is still growing and maturing, and life is still in motion. Whether or not I am pregnant does not determine whether or not every single day still comes and goes. Life is still going on all around me and I have no choice but to go on with it. I’ve never been the type to wallow in my own self pity, this has not changed. For those of you that know mine and Brad’s story…did my life end when Brad stopped talking to me for 6 months? Absolutely not. Did I still believe that I would marry him one day? In my heart of hearts, yes. But my life absolutely was not put on hold for the day that it would happen. When I tell you that I trust God, I really do trust God. Does that mean that I am not human and that I do not still long to be growing mine and Brad’s child? No, because I am human and my brain isn’t capable of being anything but human. But my life revolves around believing that God is bigger and smarter than me and He has it all figured out, and it revolves around being a great wife to my husband every day…with or without child. Harumph.