I have been reading Linda’s blog for about 6 years or so now. She is funny, witty, a great mom, and full of all kinds of advice. She recently has opened the doors to a new blog about health. It is geared towards the average person, to give encouragement and a place to go that is judgement free. How much can one person say about health? It’s just a matter of eating right and exercising, right? Not too terribly difficult, right? But, have you looked around you lately? Have you looked at ME lately? It’s not that easy at all. Food is an addiction, it’s comfort, and it will make you totally and completely unhealthy when not used for what it was intended…a means of survival.

I submitted the following to her hoping to get some answers, and some encouragement. I’m opening up in my blog too because I’m hoping some of my readers may have some suggestions as well.

Here goes…

I used to say that I have always been a big girl, because that’s what people have told me my whole life. Now that I really AM a big girl, I can look at pictures of myself from high school and realize that I wasn’t all that big at all. Sure I was a size 13, but my body was evenly distributed and I had a great figure. I wish someone had of told me that then, because maybe if I knew for myself that I wasn’t big then I would have been able to control myself a little bit better. But when you already think you are fat and people like you, why not keep eating? Oh so wrong, the blinders that I’ve worn for so long, sheesh.

Anyways. Last year, a week before Thanksgiving, my mom and I started phase one of the Kevin Trudeau diet. The man is crazy, and we knew this going into it. But phase 1 of his plan is such a great lifestyle change….and in my opinion, that’s the key to getting healthy and staying healthy. By April I had lost 60 lbs of the 120 that I wanted to lose. I was feeling great, water was delicious, my favorite treat was melba toast with organic peanut butter and banana, I looked forward to salad for my lunch and holy crap….I was almost into a size 16 down from a 24!! And then something happened.

I started dating my husband in March. We did great for the first month, and I still lost weight. We encouraged each other. My now-husband is a big man. When I first met him a year and a half ago, he was 380 lbs and I was 280. Over the course of the time I’ve known him, we separately got motivated and both lost about 60 lbs. I guess when we started dating though it got easier and easier to eat a burger instead of that delicious salad. Brownies and cookies and ice cream were no longer untouchable. Water turned into Mt. Dew and Starbucks Frappacinos. What was once motivated encouragement to help each other turned into an encouragement towards the opposite direction. He would get on a kick, and I would blame my cravings on a bad day, or my period, or whatever. I would get on a kick, and he would cockily inform me that he was fine with what he was eating and that I didn’t have to eat any.

I am worried about our health. I haven’t had children yet. What am I going to do after I’m pregnant and have the extra weight to deal with while already having been over weight pre-preggers? My husband is young, and overweight…what am I going to do if he gets diabetes or has a heart attack and leaves me a single mother in 10 years because we couldn’t get this under control? That sounds so extreme, I know. But if we don’t get this under control, that is the future that we are headed towards. And I feel for our kids, because children learn from their parents and if this is all we have to teach them it is just going to be a cycle of obesity contributing to the New America that has somehow developed.

Here is the real problem: I can control his portion sizes and food intake just fine. It’s easy for me to tell him to back away from the chips, don’t eat another brownie, buy water instead of an Amp. I pack his lunch, I typically make dinner, and I can control that just fine (as long as he lets me anyway). It’s me that is out of control. How can I expect him to deny the brownie if I can’t? How can I encourage him when I am just as guilty? And where the heck do I get my motivation to say no? I was doing so good, losing so much weight, getting healthy, had a great outlook on my well-being and where I wanted to be physically and all in a matter of 9 months, I lost it. My husband has maintained his weight, he even still loses weight some weeks. I, however, have gained some pounds back. I can’t get back in the groove for the life of me, and my closet it slowly shrinking.

I know it’s about what I put in my pantry and in my freezer. But fast food is so cheap! I want affordability and health…not bankruptcy and health, and I’m not sure how to tackle that. I will start cooking my meats and veggies with coconut oil like I did before, or do them on the grill. I will eat apples and grapefruit and watermelon and try and swallow those incredibly dry carrots. I will do turkey burgers over a salad with salsa or balsamic vinegar for dinner. It all sounds so easy when I put my words down on paper. It’s the nights that work went horrible, we have somewhere to be at 7, I forgot to take the meat out of the freezer and Italian Joe’s down the road is so much easier to order from than make dinner. Unfortunately, we have somewhere to be at 7 a lot.

I need quick, easy, and cheap ideas. Grilled cheese and soup kind of easy, but something not involving cheese and bread. I want this so badly. I want to be healthy, I want to be thin and attractive. Attraction is not a problem between my husband and I, despite size. But I’m sure weight loss can increase that attraction among many other things. Help! Please help me become the woman that I want my future children to love and respect and appreciate, not the mother they resent and regret because they too have become victims of obesity.

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