Apples, grapes, bananas, and carrots, OH MY!

So I decided that even with cookie exchanges and Christmas parties going on, I can make each meal count and still allow for moderate holiday treats. I’m back to my green tea and water regiment…and can I just say, HELLO URINE.

Yesterday was the first day of bringing good things to work instead of convenient things. While exciting and also feeling accomplished, good Lord I was hungry. I’m sure that November and December are probably the worst months to begin dieting, but they also have the potential to be the best. Instead of me gaining 20-30 lbs from cookies and meatballs and all those other delicious treats…5 lbs is a much more pleasant number. And actually, if this year is anything like last, I will lose 30 instead of gaining it.

I’m not one to talk about TMI things…it’s not my style and I don’t like making people uncomfortable because of my ability to be open, especially if they aren’t necessarily so. So on that note…with the food changes I’m making, I’ll also be purchasing a colon cleanse from GNC like last time. I believe it’s called The Ultimate Cleanse, it comes with 2 types of pills and a CD. The pills look and smell like dog food, one a darker brown color and the other a more…yellowish brown color. I don’t recall them being too harsh, more of a regulating type cleanse. I don’t feel like I’m not regular (dear God, this is getting to be too much) but in the same respect, I have fallen away from my organic lifestyle so horribly that I just.want.it.out.

Okay, moving on.

There has been talk of more extreme measures for weight loss. When one is 100-200 lbs over weight, it becomes an issue of addiction. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before or not, but I believe food is the worst possible addiction. Alcohol, cigarettes, etc. can be quit cold turkey (mostly, anyway.*) while, food is something that your body actually requires for survival. I’m so afraid that even after I get the weight off, it will come back. I don’t want to yo-yo for the rest of my life, and I don’t want to struggle with food addiction for the rest of my life. While Brad has practically made a decision (a decision I stand behind, for the record), I’m not so sure myself. Well actually, I think I am sure about myself, but I don’t know that I’m open to the opinions and feelings of others on what I feel like my body requires. And yeah, I realize how backwards that sounds after sending a “what should I do?!” email to Linda and being featured on Bodies in Motivation. It’s just when you have so many people encouraging you that you can do it, and you are capable, and you know that you can lose the weight yourself…it just sort of feels like a cop-out. Here is the thing, if I got the surgery done right now? It would be a cop-out. I’m motivated, I’m encouraged, and I’m feeling capable. But down the road when I’ve fought this battle time-after-time-after-time, I will not be too proud to admit that I can’t defeat it by sheer willpower. I may win the battle this time and the time after, but I’m so tired of fighting it. Why not beat the addiction instead of always having to fight it? I’m not trying to be pessimistic about this, I’m trying to be realistic. I will fight this fight while I have the motivation and drive to, and I will not give up. But if the day comes that I don’t have it in me? Well, I know my options.

*I realize that some addictions make you feel like your body needs it, but please don’t play devil’s advocate with me on this…I’m speaking for myself only.

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