Oh Hi! How are ya, stranger? I’ve been on campus for the last two weeks and am thankfully back in the comforts of my home, PJ’s and beloved Eeyore slippers. *incredibly big sigh* I love home.

I’m sick, again. I have the cough, the drippy faucet nose, and well, it can only get more gross from there so I’ll stop. I’m also almost finally recovered from a lovely case of pink eye (first timer!) and my mouth hurts a little less from the second worst experience of my life…half of a root canal completed. Boy was that an experience.

Friday night was a late night. We went out to Benson to see a show for our friends from Embracing Goodbye  and there were 5 bands, we ended up getting home around 11:30 I think. Normally a late Friday night wouldn’t be a problem, but I had to get up at 6:45 to be at an 8am dentist appointment. I’ve never had a root canal before in my life. Apparently I needed one for a tooth that wasn’t hurting yet, and it was strongly recommended that I get it taken care of before the point of pain. I’m a good listener and set up my appointment. So anyways, I wake up and I’m tired and very nervous. I get to the office and sit down and they begin numbing me, in that awful back-of-your-mouth-in-the-muscle spot. A little drilling and 5 shots later there I am crying in the chair because I’m still not numb, the pain is extreme, and my options are down to one, bite the bullet and deal with the pain. Thankfully they bring in a different dentist who is a little less heavy with the drill and a little less affected by my furrowed eyebrows (a clear indication of pain, ouch, that hurts!) and she completed at least half the task that they had set out to do 2 hours prior. After cauterizing half of my nerve (yikes, and holy cow the smell) and filling up the hole, I was sent home with half a face (the part that I could feel, of course…5 shots is A LOT) and a follow up appointment to finish what they started. Wowzers….I don’t know of anything that would make you vow to floss every day of your life besides that!

Speaking of appointments, I decided to get off my butt and make a call that I have been putting off. And it’s a call that I’m dreading telling the internetz about, because it’s hard not to feel like a cheater (even though I know I’m doing what I need to do for myself). Next Thursday I have an appointment to attend an information session at a hospital (near you! but not really) for bariatric surgery. Dr. Enochs is the surgeon and there are a few people I know that have gone under his knife before and have nothing but wonderful things to say about him. Brad is coming with me and we are going to check into our options to get it done either together, or at least within a close time frame (I have a week off for spring break, and he has the entire summer off since he is a teacher). The great part is that our monthly expenses are about to go down tremendously (thank you tax return, thank you!) and we will be able to afford a gym membership. I’m nervous, because it’s surgery and because it’s well known for being life changing in many ways. But I’m excited, because it’s well known for being life changing in many ways. That is the reason that we would like to get it done together, the life changing part. From what I understand it can be a difficult transition between big person and not so big person. Some people struggle a lot, and some not at all. But Brad and I think that IF there IS going to be a struggle with our identity, it needs to be together. This is kind of huge, and I don’t like thinking about what others think about my decision. But everyone else doesn’t know what this feels like, what it feels like to literally feel beautiful, until you look in the mirror. To feel like I’m not in my own body. To feel like there is so much potential, if only. To know that when people look at me, I am immediately judged by my exterior.

Enough trying to justify myself. I know this is what I need, and it’s also what I want. So be happy for me?