Yesterday was a day that I fully expected to divert all of my attention on my mother and make sure that she had a wonderful day. There are a few reasons why that didn’t happen, but that will come. What I did not expect though was to be honored as a mother when my child is yet a trimester old.
My husband is really an amazing man. I never in a million years expected to find a man that would be able to handle my analytical break downs, my emotional roller coasters, my hang ups from so many different situations with as much laid back, yet incredibly intuitive tender loving care. He promises me that he has never regretted marrying me and that he loves me more than he did the day before. Each time he gives me a compliment I tell him that he is a liar, because I cannot fathom the idea that someone besides God or my parents can love me as much as he tells me that he does.I am working on receiving those compliments, but I am just so blown away at his capability to truly love me unconditionally, an ability I have tried and failed to master over and over. This all brings me to the point that yesterday he gave me a Mother’s day gift and a card. Something I was hopeful of, but did not expect in the least bit.
You see, I belong to Baby Center. A sometimes incredibly helpful site that makes me feel like I have not lost my humanity, but also a site that is full of narrow minded beliefs when it comes to motherhood and raising a child. There was of course a discussion board full of women bashing boyfriends, husbands, fathers, mother in laws each baffled by the idea that a woman carrying a child in her body and not outside of it should be honored as a mother. Also, plenty of them complaining that their special someone couldn’t grasp the idea that even though they weren’t THEIR mother they should still be honored as a mother by them. Here is my opinion on the matter. I can understand it from both angles. I am carrying this child. I love it. I see its heart beat. I have changed my daily habits to be able to sustain the life that is growing inside of me. My emotions and hormones are at an all time high because of this life that is being sustained solely by me. I AM a mother. But I also understand that ones perspective of a mother can vary greatly between people. Because this child does not wake me up in the middle of the night to be fed, because there are no diapers to change, no bottles to fill, no back to pat, no tears to wipe, no eyes to gaze into and no silky smooth hair to caress…I am not quite yet a mother. That is fine and okay with me. Because if you do not feel like I am to be honored at this stage in my pregnancy as a mother than I do not want fake gifts, half efforts, and an attitude of requirement. This is the part that applies to significant others who do not believe the women in their life should be honored as mothers unless they are their actual mother. That is a harder concept for me to grasp because, how insensitive do you really have to be to not want to honor your wife for carrying your child at the absolute very least? But I still do not want the half hearted gift, I want a gift from the heart. This does not mean that I would not wonder how my husband got to be so insensitive and heartless, and it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t wonder where I have failed as a mother and a wife that my husband wouldn’t want to honor me on Mother’s day. But for me that feeling would come after I have a baby in my arms to show for myself. Had Brad not gotten me a Mother’s day gift yesterday I would have completely understood.
But that just brings me back to the point that my husband amazes me at his constant care for me. His appreciation of who I am and what exactly it is that I represent to him is beyond my comprehension of what I always thought a man to be. I married the BEST kind of man. The man that is not afraid to love his wife without hesitation. I have had people try and make me feel guilty for my desire to be attached at the hip to Brad. I do not like to be away from him over night and if I had to choose a couples dinner over a girls night out, the couples dinner would always win out. It isn’t that I don’t enjoy being with the girls and enjoy the stuff that us girls can do and talk about together, or that I don’t enjoy connecting to women who have something in common with me. It is that I enjoy my husband more. And that is the way that it should be if you ask me. I have had a lot of friendships and I have had a lot of friendships that I thought would last forever and I have been let down more times than I can count by putting my trust in those friendships. The chances of you being around longer than my husband are slim to none if I tally up the odds from my track record. I would much rather invest my time, energy and love into a relationship that continues to prove itself to me time and time again rather than into something that has the total possibility of being only temporary. A day may come in my marriage that I do not feel loved, that I do not feel fulfilled and appreciated and a girls night is exactly what I need, because I cannot stand to sit in the room with someone whose eyes no longer sparkle with love for me, who used to love me so deeply. But I pray with my entire being that the day will never come. Because if marriage is temporary, and these feelings and this love is only temporary than I made a huge mistake committing to spend my life with this individual. I predict my future girls nights will be Brad offering to watch the kids so that I can get out of the house for a bit, to unwind and relax and laugh. I never want my girls night to become an opportunity to get away from my husband, the person that is supposed to hold my hand and support me through every good and bad hill we encounter.
And I think I just wrote my Father’s day post as my Mother’s day post. Oops. I will finish writing about why I did my mother a disservice on Mother’s day next time. But just know that while I have yet to feel sick or nauseous today*, my hormones are still at work and they are UGLY.
*Rock on Second Trimester!!!!!