I have been here. But not HERE. If you know what I mean. You see, in an attempt to not blog about all pregnancy all the time I have avoided this blog. But since my life is all pregnancy all the time, that kind of leaves me with, like, no material.
So much has changed since the last time I blogged. I’m 21 weeks tomorrow, half way there, yipee!! I’m in a much happier and content state of mind and the dark cloud lifted about a week into my second trimester. Pregnancy=predictable apparently. We found out the gender of the baby on the 22nd of June, and our Little Miss Autumn Kay is enjoying her home inside my incubator-of-a-body and so far, so good. And hey! Predictability! I started feeling those lovely little tap-tap-taps at pretty much 20 weeks exactly.
Here is the part that I don’t understand. Everyone warns about all of these negative experiences, the pains, the hurts, etc. but no one seems to warn about the good things, or the things that you expect to be like A but actually are like B instead. For instance, the little tap tap taps? I thought those were going to be enjoyable all up until the moment that I started getting them. And then I thought (and definitely did NOT say out loud), “Take them back”. They originally felt quite a bit like a little alien inside my body that was tapping me FROM THE INSIDE to get my attention. So yes, please take them back. But now that it has been happening for around a week or so I’m used to it. They are actually getting stronger, more frequent, and much less like gas and alien taps and more like wonderful and amazing reminders that my child is growing and forming inside of me. *
I think the baby can hear us now and I really want to go get some children’s books that we can continue to use for the next 2 years at least and may become keepsakes and I want to start playing music for her too. When my mom was a nanny for the twins she used to play classical music for them when she put them to bed. I would love to be able to start playing music now that we can use when she is here so that it’s a form of comfort for her. Then again people have tried to drill it in my head that what I say I’ll do, or what I expect to work as a parent won’t actually work and to not expect anything. But it’s worth a shot to me.
The next line of business, an update on Brad’s surgery. July 29th. As in 3 weeks. As in 21 days. Yee-up. While we’re both a little nervous, we’re also so excited. We have a friend at church that had the surgery a bit over a year ago and she has been a great support, she is nothing but encouraging. She has been giving suggestions and offering help and just all around being great, so I’m feeling good about it. More importantly Brad needs to be feeling good about it and I think right now he is. I’m sure he will have cold feet the day of or before surgery (his words, not mine) but that he will get over it and be okay. The baby is motivation for him so he keeps telling himself that he’s doing this for her benefit, so that he can be a bigger part of her life by being smaller and healthier.
I continue to be so greatful for him, Brad. He’s so supportive and encouraging even still (5 months in!). This pregnancy has brought us even closer I think. He touches my belly and asks me about the baby and is really sensative to my needs. It’s incredibly attractive and the amount of love I feel when he says the perfect thing, or does the perfect thing is pretty much off the charts. Hormones suck, and yet my husband is amazing. I just wish I knew how to show him so that he’s not the only one doing doing and doing some more.
Any ideas of anything I can do to show him how much I appreciate him?
*New News as of last night!!!! Brad had his hand on my lower stomach because she was moving like crazy and I told him to try and see if he could feel her. She kicked his hand so hard, it was soo funny! That was the strongest single kick I have felt from her yet. He pulled his hand off my stomach SO fast and goes “HOLY CRAP WHAT WAS THAT?!” and I was like “uhhhh the baby??” Teehee