Today is Friday and for some reason people get all excited about Fridays. I guess it’s the prospect of not having to work for 2 whole days, but the older I get and the more Fridays I get excited about, the more I realize that 2 days doesn’t really feel like a whole lot of time to catch up on all things non-work related.
This particular Friday I had to get up very early, drive into campus, get my TB shot, and get home in enough time to clock in at 8:30. My Place of Work requires me to get a TB shot once a year to make sure we haven’t been exposed to it and in turn would pass it around. This kinda stinks for me now that I work from home though, because, of course I haven’t been exposed to it in my own home…no need for testing. But protocol is protocol and none the less, I drive to Raleigh to do work. Too bad the Clayton location doesn’t have a nurse, then I wouldn’t have to even be typing this right now. It will be negative though, it always is.
I don’t even have any plans this weekend. Which is another reason that weekends are just kinda blah.I have noticed this: when I have plans the weekend flies by and I wish I had another 2 days just to recoup from the plans. When I don’t have plans the weekend flies by and I wish I had of actually done something so that my weekend wouldn’t have been wasted on the couch. Sounds to me like I just can’t be happy with weekends.
[Side Note. As I sit here eating my “home-made” soy milk butterscotch pudding I am slowly realizing that I think the pudding has gone bad. Horrible after taste. Yuk.]
Today concludes my first week back to work post surgery. It wasn’t a bad week. There were bad days though. Between overly busy days at work, a teething 9 month old, and just all around frustrations, there were definitely some days, some bad days. But, I’m happy to say that I’m 17lbs down (maybe more, but I refuse to weigh myself until Wednesday) and have moved into week 3 of food progression. This means cottage cheese, refried beans and pureed foods (like squash!). Squash has to be my favorite food this week. Brad roasted it in the oven and then when he pureed it he added pepper and onion powder and garlic powder and aside from accidentally dumping a truck load of pepper into the puree, it was really delicious. I have been digging the cottage cheese too though. With watermelon or banana. Oh boy, oh boy. Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe that half this stuff is as exciting to me as it is, but dude, when you drink nothing but liquid for a week and a half you would probably be jumping up and down too.
I really have to say that this is hard. There are some times that I want to eat food so badly that I actually start to feel anxious. It really sucks to have to write that, but it’s true. And I think it’s part of losing the addiction to eating. The feeling could be likened to that of claustrophobia. Everything seems a little smaller, my heart beats a little bit faster, my body temp definitely changes, and I’m irritable. It feels so shameful. Why does food have such a hold??
I know this is temporary and before I know it I will be eating normal, feeling better, and looking great. That’s what head knowledge tells me. But it’s just not fun in the mean time. As much as I wanted to believe this would be easy for me, I just can’t say that it is. Losing weight wasn’t easy pre-surgery, and it’s not easy post-surgery. Losing weight is just plain losing weight. It takes change. And in the case of morbid obesity, it takes big change.
This week will be over soon. And next week will bring a bigger weight loss, more food variety and hopefully an upswing in my mental state. I guess that’s one good thing about this particularly Friday–it’s one more step behind me on this staircase up.