Almost 4 weeks has gone by and things are going really well. My diet has finally expanded enough that I’m really satisfied when I eat and I don’t feel like I’m really missing out on anything unless we have somewhere to be, like a party or something. I’m down 21lbs and still not really wearing anything different. I guess that is the price I have to pay for gaining so much weight before the surgery. I feel nothing but pure hatred towards my fat.
This week at my appointment I will get cleared for stuff like canned chicken and tuna, crackers, toast, etc. and I’m really excited for that. Toast with some peanut butter? Oh muh goodness. Chicken salad on crackers? Delicious.
There just isn’t much else going on. Recovering from surgery, taking care of a 9 1/2 month old (who is so stinkin’ close to walking), church on Sunday, Life Group every other week, Bible Study every other Monday….I mean that is really just life. There isn’t a lot of time for friendships, there isn’t a lot of energy for getting together. It really leaves me at a depressing place, and feeling frustrated so much. I love my life and the things in it, but I just feel like Brad and I are lacking in the friendship department so severely. We just don’t have a lot of time for us. When we don’t have the baby it’s when we are working, when we aren’t working we obviously have her and getting a babysitter requires money. And money is hard to come by these days. And when we do have a sitter, the friends we so desperately want to hang out with and connect with are busy, or they cancel plans. So it’s just a vicious cycle. I’m left feeling frustrated and dissatisfied and Brad is perfectly fine not doing anything with friends and well, I just struggle. I struggle with feeling like I don’t have any friends, or that the friends I have don’t half way care as much about me as I do them. I struggle with feeling like if Autumn was less fussy at night we would be able to do more with people without feeling like we put a damper on the evening. And when we do buck up and take her with us, our conversation is constantly focused on her instead of anything adult related and I just don’t know.
I have plans to get together with a friend sometime in the coming weeks. I plan to vent it all out, all of my frustrations and hurt and just all around depressed state of mind and I know it’s going to be good. Because she is one of the good ones. One of the ones that cares and can relate and is in a similar place in life and I’m really just kind of DYING for the day to come to meet up, because I need it…needed it like yesterday.