I’m so close I can almost taste it! When I say taste it, I mean that in a way that only a gastric bypass patient can understand.

About 3 years ago my mom and I started to change our eating habits. We followed Phase 1 of Kevin Trudeau’s book and in 5 months I dropped 6o lbs. I was the lightest I had been since 12th grade. It was such a huge accomplishment for me, having dropped that weight on my own, by my own efforts. That wasn’t the only time I had ever dropped weight (of course not, most bypass patients have usually yo-yo’d their whole lives), but because I was the heaviest I had ever been and dropped the largest amount of weight ever, it was a big deal for me. So now that I’ve had gastric bypass, my journey thus far has been about getting to my wedding weight, so that I can truly start my weight-loss journey from weight loss surgery. That may sound insane to some people, and I realize this whole experience is part of the journey….but when you lose weight by your own efforts and then gain it all back, it’s almost like the weight loss doesn’t begin until you are back to that weight that you achieved by your own abilities and will power. 

So I’m 10 lbs away from my first mile stone. The second mile stone will be a bit further away. When I was in high school my mom and I started weight watchers and I lost 27 lbs, taking me to under 200 lbs for the first time in…a long time. So that’s my next mile stone.

Here are my stats:

Started at 302 (the morning of surgery, size 24/26).

I am 230 right now (as of this morning, size 18).

Wedding weight is 220 (size 16/18). This is my first milestone and is 10 lbs away. Bringing me to a total of 82 lbs lost.

And my WW weight was 192 (size 13). This will be my second milestone and is 38 lbs away, bringing my total weight loss to 110 lbs.

Once I’m at my WW weight, I don’t really know what I’m hoping for after that, because I was happy there. But I’m not going to lie and say that I don’t hope for maybe a size 10. I don’t think I’ve ever been a size 10 ever in my entire life. I skipped straight from the little girls section to a women’s size 13 sometime in middle school, and thus began my journey of obesity. So I know I want to be thinner, and I know I want to be healthier and that’s about all I do know. 

Sometimes my numbers get on my nerves. They are so much higher than what the standard of this world is. Size 5, Size 2, 120 lbs, 130 lbs…whatever is “acceptable”. So my 192 lbs, size 13 sounds like I should still be large. But I have to keep reminding myself what pictures from that time period show me. I have to keep remembering how good I felt and how good I looked, how confident I felt in myself. And I have to remember that I’m me, and everyone else is them and I’m doing this for me, not anyone else.

So I’m loud and proud about my numbers…or at least working to be. I wanna be proud of who I am, what I’ve accomplished, the journey I’ve traveled. It’s taking a lot of mental reconditioning and a huge battle of the mind, but I’m headed in that direction. I want Autumn to grow up being proud of her beautiful body, and more than that, her beautiful heart.  I have to get rid of the crap in my own life before I can display true love of self to her. I wanna be a good example to my girl.